Last night I had a really strange dream.
In this dream my Nana – who we lost nearly four years ago – came back to us. But for some strange reason, this didn’t seem like the most amazing thing in the world to everyone else. It did to me, but to everyone else it seemed like it was perfectly normal. That would not be their reactions in real life believe me. She was a very special woman to all of us.
So, in my dream I’m totally shocked, stunned, happy and emotional. I can’t believe what’s happened. Its the best day of my life. BUT then just as I’m coming round to this, she has to leave again. Its like she took a little holiday and come to see us.
When this happens, I’m totally devastated. Hysterical tears run down my face, and I can barely catch my breath. But again, everyone else acts like its completely normal. And, again if this happened they would all be devastated.
The thing is, in my dream my Nana also acts like its normal.
I woke my self up I was so upset. As I’m sure you can tell by this, we were incredibly close. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, I miss her a lot. I have since the day she was taken from us. It’s never gotten any easier, really. For some reason, its particularly hard at the moment.
Maybe this is her trying to tell me that she’s okay. Maybe its just that she’s playing on my mind. I can’t fathom it, because of the way everyone else acted like it was completely normal. Or maybe that’s it… I’ve been worried that I’m missing her too much, and that I shouldn’t be as upset as I am, after all its been nearly four years… but maybe the behavior in my dream is saying “its okay” for me to feel that way.