You Don’t Know The Rules?

For the majority of my life, I have been a HUGE film fan. I’ve studied it both academically and for my own enjoyment. My main area – I don’t just think this, but have been told this – is the horror film.

Now I know you can find LOADS of articles, books, blogs etc on horror film rules but this is just my own little version… my own musings if you will. This is what I’ve learnt from watching and studying horror films.

  1. Be aware there isn’t a rule for every situation. Sometimes you’ve just got to hope you can think quick and act fast!
  2. Always scope a room. Make sure you know the exits so you can make a quick escape; suss out the corners and try not to get trapped in any; most importantly, study the objects around the room carefully and know what you can use as a weapon – you never know when you might have to fight your way out of a sticky situation!
  3. When going on a trip with a group of friends, don’t go in odd numbers. This way everyone can pair up and hopefully that will stop someone wandering around by themselves getting lost.
  4. Don’t split up! A bit of an obvious one, but it must pointed out. Safety in numbers and all that. If possible try to stick to a larger group… strength in numbers.
  5. Try to avoid staying in large empty hotels and strange cabins in the woods.
  6. Avoid basements and lofts. Who knows what’s lurking in them!
  7. If you’ve just moved into a strange old house – especially one with a tragic past – and uncover a secret door, don’t open it. Cover it back up and pretend you never found it. Maybe even think about moving.
  8. If you find an old tape player, don’t play it. Burn it.
  9. If you find an old book, don’t read from it. Burn it.
  10. If you come across a room filled with someones old possessions, don’t touch ANY of them. Close the door, lock it and leave.
  11. If you hear a strange noise outside, don’t go out to investigate. BUT if you feel you have to, go out fully clothed… in a group… with a torch and some kind of weapon.
  12. If you’re going to stay in a secluded location, make sure there is a direct route away from the area… one that doesn’t require passage through a tunnel, over or under a bridge.
  13. If you accidentally kill one of your friends, or some stranger walking down the road just go the police. It’ll come back to bite you in the ass if you don’t.
  14. If someone tells you there’s a monster, werewolf, zombies, demons, ghosts, aliens, vampires or any other creature that goes bump in the night, coming for you, just shut up and believe them. It’ll save you time and probably a lot lives!
  15. If you’re on a journey and stop at a road side destination for whatever reason and someone tells you not to go where you’re going, or that the road doesn’t go there or give you any warning whatsoever, turn around and go home. Even if they appear unstable.
  16. Read the signs. Pay attention to any that say “beware”, “danger ahead”, “no trespassing” “stay out” “enter at own risk”…. you get the message. Don’t go beyond it. Leave.
  17. Double tap.
  18. If there’s a masked murderer on the loose, you probably know them. They will attack when you’re alone. Probably a good time to take a holiday, and let someone else sort it out.
  19. Its okay to run away if you don’t stand a chance – but try to do it quietly without falling over.
  20. Try not to do things slowly.
  21. If its a zombie, destroy the brain; If its a vampire, go for the heart; If its a werewolf, try some real silver; If you’re unsure, cut off its head; if all else fails, set fire to it and RUN.
  22. If a family member – particularly a child – starts to act odd, suddenly starts talking to people you can’t see or can suddenly spin its head all the way round, MOVE HOUSE. Don’t ignore it, don’t put it down to an over active imagination, loneliness or stress.
  23. If you feel the need for an adventure, try to avoid underground caverns and tunnels.
  24. Don’t talk to strangers – even if they look normal, they probably aren’t.
  25. If you have no choice but to retreat further into a building, or up stairs, make sure the enemy can’t follow you. Block off the doors and windows, knock out the stairs, do whatever you have to to keep them away from you!

Thanks for reading 🙂

PS I realize this list is probably missing a lot, but to me its pretty full!

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